Glitter puke

I hear myself say that I really want to stop doing this, but I don´t believe it anymore. It is a lie, because deep within I´m way too attached to being sick. You see, being sick is a wonderful safe place. You don´t have to deal with anything but yourself, and it´s easy to deal with yourself because you got all those coping mechanisms. It´s easier to cut your skin open and watch the blood coming out then to get words out of your mouth. It´s easier to not allow happieness instead of being scared it might be taken away from you every minute and all you can do is watch. It´s so much easier to keep quiet.